The forest lay before me – dark, somewhat lonesome. I could hear the wind blowing in the leaves, creating a melody only few can hear. A melody that beckoned me.
I pulled my cloak closer to my body and put the hood on. It fell almost to my eyes, almost blinding me. I took a deep breath as a stronger whiff of wind came from the forest and circled around me. A step and then another one, I passed the first tree.
My hand touched the bark and I closed my eyes, letting the forest come to me, come in me. I walked with eyes closed, leaving the wind to guide me through the trees to the place I was looking for. How long I walked, I do not know.
As I reached the clearing, I heard the quiet whispers of a thousand people in my head, racing with my own whispers. I didn’t know the language in which we whispered, yet I went on, with my eyes closed.
I fell to my knees. I opened my eyes. There was a pile of wood in front of me, a pile that was obviously freshly made. I lit a fire and stared at it, clearing my mind from all the things. I could feel a change in the wind, as if someone was dancing around me. I could hear a melody, a voice whispering in my ear.
The flames burst higher for a second and then went back to normal, showing me images of people dancing around me to the melody of the wind.
“Let it out, let it out,” they whispered in an unfamiliar language.
My eyes were gazing at them.
“Let it out,” they whispered again, as I looked up to the sky and screamed.
The fire rose higher, the dance got more intense, the melody louder in my ears. I felt the forest filling me, unlocking my inner animal.
And with this, I threw it all to the flames and fell on my back, breathing heavily as the figures disappeared and the fire died out…
19.04.2009
Replica
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Carry Me
It was long after the sun hid behind the waves of the sea. Long after the last person walking on the beach went home, long after the lonely guy with the guitar in his hands went away to write down his ideas on paper.
The fire was just beginning its play of flames and shadows on the sand as I looked to the other end of the beach. It caught me by surprise, to see someone out here so late at night, it was well past midnight. Maybe I wasn’t the only one with insomnia tonight.
He obviously saw my fire and was surprised to see me just as much. I noticed him stopping in mid-step, hesitating, wondering if he should go on walking or turn back and leave. Then he made another, slower step towards me. I have to admit, I was intrigued by him.
Maybe he was intrigued by me too. Maybe this is why he kept on walking. Maybe the fire beckoned him to come closer, like the light-bulbs beckon moths.
Whatever the reason, he kept on walking toward me, each step surer than the previous, more determined. It was at about that time that fear went over me. I started wondering if I should just get up and get away before he was close enough or if I should stay. Part of me wanted to scream and run away, while the other part was completely dazzled by the stranger.
He was coming closer; his shoes leaving footsteps in the wet sand for a few seconds until the waves washed them away. My fire was burning brightly, probably lighting my still doubting face, because he smiled. Right then, I felt like I couldn’t move. I had to stay there. I felt my mouth slowly pulling in a smile. He stopped, looking at me and the waves washed over his feet, wetting his jeans to his knees. Was he waiting to invite him to sit by the fire?
I waved to him and smiled once more.
He answered back and with a few quick steps was opposite me, his body half-hidden from the flames.
“Would you mind if I joined you,” he asked me in a husky voice. There was something about his face, his eyes in particular. Something enchanting, something painful, some tears. I shrugged.
“Why would I mind,” I answered back and he sat beside me with a wide smile on his face.
His features were quite ordinary. He wasn’t a very tall man, maybe slightly taller than me, very skinny. I could tell he had a few sleepless nights, just like I did – black circles under his eyes suggested that, as well as the constantly wandering gaze. I could see a tear glimmering in the corner of his eye, but I pretended not to notice it as it fell down on his shirt.
“So what brings you here so late at night? Aren’t you afraid some strange people come here after the sun sets?”
His question was sincere, random. Like the questions I pick when I don’t know what to say to someone. My eyes were fixed on the burning log in the fire.
“Insomnia. What is in my mind is far more scary than strangers,” I said, unconsciously smiling. “But by the looks of you, you are as familiar with insomnia as I am.”
He laughed. I could tell it was partially forced laughter. Like the ones I have been doing for the past months since insomnia came. What do you laugh at when you don’t care for anything?
“True.”
A simple answer. I hate simple answers. If he wanted to stay, I wanted to talk with him. The fire was a good companion, but a quiet one.
“Why did you come here tonight?”
He seemed confused for a moment, maybe because I was too direct.
“I wanted to fade my memories,” he said. I wondered why would anyone ever want to fade his memories. Aren’t memories what makes us stronger?
He seemed to have read the question on my face and went on.
“It was a long time ago I met her, on a beach, just like this one. We were but kids, both on holiday at the same place.
She got tired of me and left me with no word. Ever since I want to believe we weren’t meant to be together, that those years were but a dream. And I cannot recall ever seeing such as my newfound need for believing. I have never been like this. It feels like I never set foot on that beach. Sometimes when I lay awake at night I wonder if I was ever there. Then I look through the pictures and ask myself, if I wasn’t ever there, what are these memories we share?”
He looked to the sea. I could tell, without seeing the fire reflecting in them, that there were tears in his eyes. Maybe people need to fade the memories that hurt them. The ones that give you trouble sleeping.
I was silent for a while, giving him time. It’s painful to talk about old wounds and even more painful to talk about them when they open and bleed.
I didn’t reach to dry his tears; that was the last thing he needed – someone to wipe his tears away. I just left him, sitting by the fire, as the cold breeze ran down my spine. A while later, he started again, his voice down to almost a whisper.
“I was ready to give her everything she’d ever ask for. All I wanted was her. I never saw the end coming, she never gave me a signal.”
His voice broke on the last word and I could hear quiet sobs coming from his throat.
“Reality cuts deep,” I mumbled.
Before I knew it my hand was on his shoulder, caressing his back in a soothing motion. He curled in a ball. I was lost for words. There was no witty line I could come up with, no soothing word to say.
“Hold onto me as reality breaks. It will pass.”
Of course it would, how silly of me to say such a cliché. But that was the best I could do. I never expected him to shift so quickly under my still-caressing hand and bury his head in my neck. The sobs became louder and I could feel his tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on my shirt. And all I could do was to hush him.
We stayed like this for a while, his sobs gradually becoming less and quiet until finally, as suddenly as his face was buried in my neck, he was again sitting next to me.
We were still silent. I didn’t know what to say and his past was too painful to be brought back to life.
Dawn was about to break soon. I would go home to change and then to work. I supposed the stranger had some places to go too. It was a weird night, but I could feel he felt relieved and so did I, in a way. I wanted to ask him if he would come again tonight to talk, but it felt too impudent to ask. He hesitated with the question too, but didn’t ask it either.
“The footsteps the beach was saving led me to you.”
And then he got up and walked away.
I never saw him again, not on the following night, nor on any other sleepless night I spent on the beach. I think now he was a trick the fire and insomnia played on me. I think I was never there. And then I take out the shirt I was wearing that night and smell his tears on it and wonder if I was never there, what are these memories we share.
13.04.2009
Replica
The fire was just beginning its play of flames and shadows on the sand as I looked to the other end of the beach. It caught me by surprise, to see someone out here so late at night, it was well past midnight. Maybe I wasn’t the only one with insomnia tonight.
He obviously saw my fire and was surprised to see me just as much. I noticed him stopping in mid-step, hesitating, wondering if he should go on walking or turn back and leave. Then he made another, slower step towards me. I have to admit, I was intrigued by him.
Maybe he was intrigued by me too. Maybe this is why he kept on walking. Maybe the fire beckoned him to come closer, like the light-bulbs beckon moths.
Whatever the reason, he kept on walking toward me, each step surer than the previous, more determined. It was at about that time that fear went over me. I started wondering if I should just get up and get away before he was close enough or if I should stay. Part of me wanted to scream and run away, while the other part was completely dazzled by the stranger.
He was coming closer; his shoes leaving footsteps in the wet sand for a few seconds until the waves washed them away. My fire was burning brightly, probably lighting my still doubting face, because he smiled. Right then, I felt like I couldn’t move. I had to stay there. I felt my mouth slowly pulling in a smile. He stopped, looking at me and the waves washed over his feet, wetting his jeans to his knees. Was he waiting to invite him to sit by the fire?
I waved to him and smiled once more.
He answered back and with a few quick steps was opposite me, his body half-hidden from the flames.
“Would you mind if I joined you,” he asked me in a husky voice. There was something about his face, his eyes in particular. Something enchanting, something painful, some tears. I shrugged.
“Why would I mind,” I answered back and he sat beside me with a wide smile on his face.
His features were quite ordinary. He wasn’t a very tall man, maybe slightly taller than me, very skinny. I could tell he had a few sleepless nights, just like I did – black circles under his eyes suggested that, as well as the constantly wandering gaze. I could see a tear glimmering in the corner of his eye, but I pretended not to notice it as it fell down on his shirt.
“So what brings you here so late at night? Aren’t you afraid some strange people come here after the sun sets?”
His question was sincere, random. Like the questions I pick when I don’t know what to say to someone. My eyes were fixed on the burning log in the fire.
“Insomnia. What is in my mind is far more scary than strangers,” I said, unconsciously smiling. “But by the looks of you, you are as familiar with insomnia as I am.”
He laughed. I could tell it was partially forced laughter. Like the ones I have been doing for the past months since insomnia came. What do you laugh at when you don’t care for anything?
“True.”
A simple answer. I hate simple answers. If he wanted to stay, I wanted to talk with him. The fire was a good companion, but a quiet one.
“Why did you come here tonight?”
He seemed confused for a moment, maybe because I was too direct.
“I wanted to fade my memories,” he said. I wondered why would anyone ever want to fade his memories. Aren’t memories what makes us stronger?
He seemed to have read the question on my face and went on.
“It was a long time ago I met her, on a beach, just like this one. We were but kids, both on holiday at the same place.
She got tired of me and left me with no word. Ever since I want to believe we weren’t meant to be together, that those years were but a dream. And I cannot recall ever seeing such as my newfound need for believing. I have never been like this. It feels like I never set foot on that beach. Sometimes when I lay awake at night I wonder if I was ever there. Then I look through the pictures and ask myself, if I wasn’t ever there, what are these memories we share?”
He looked to the sea. I could tell, without seeing the fire reflecting in them, that there were tears in his eyes. Maybe people need to fade the memories that hurt them. The ones that give you trouble sleeping.
I was silent for a while, giving him time. It’s painful to talk about old wounds and even more painful to talk about them when they open and bleed.
I didn’t reach to dry his tears; that was the last thing he needed – someone to wipe his tears away. I just left him, sitting by the fire, as the cold breeze ran down my spine. A while later, he started again, his voice down to almost a whisper.
“I was ready to give her everything she’d ever ask for. All I wanted was her. I never saw the end coming, she never gave me a signal.”
His voice broke on the last word and I could hear quiet sobs coming from his throat.
“Reality cuts deep,” I mumbled.
Before I knew it my hand was on his shoulder, caressing his back in a soothing motion. He curled in a ball. I was lost for words. There was no witty line I could come up with, no soothing word to say.
“Hold onto me as reality breaks. It will pass.”
Of course it would, how silly of me to say such a cliché. But that was the best I could do. I never expected him to shift so quickly under my still-caressing hand and bury his head in my neck. The sobs became louder and I could feel his tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on my shirt. And all I could do was to hush him.
We stayed like this for a while, his sobs gradually becoming less and quiet until finally, as suddenly as his face was buried in my neck, he was again sitting next to me.
We were still silent. I didn’t know what to say and his past was too painful to be brought back to life.
Dawn was about to break soon. I would go home to change and then to work. I supposed the stranger had some places to go too. It was a weird night, but I could feel he felt relieved and so did I, in a way. I wanted to ask him if he would come again tonight to talk, but it felt too impudent to ask. He hesitated with the question too, but didn’t ask it either.
“The footsteps the beach was saving led me to you.”
And then he got up and walked away.
I never saw him again, not on the following night, nor on any other sleepless night I spent on the beach. I think now he was a trick the fire and insomnia played on me. I think I was never there. And then I take out the shirt I was wearing that night and smell his tears on it and wonder if I was never there, what are these memories we share.
13.04.2009
Replica
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Invisble One
I’m the invisible one,
Walking in your shoes,
Walking in her shoes,
Walking in his shoes,
Walking in their shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
With blisters from your shoes,
With blisters from her shoes,
With blisters from his shoes,
With blisters from their shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
Walking in my own shoes,
Walking in everyone’s shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
With blisters from my own shoes,
With blisters from everyone’s shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for you,
Always there for her,
Always there for him,
Always there for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always taking blame for you,
Always taking blame for her,
Always taking blame for him,
Always taking blame for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for myself,
Always there for everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always taking the blame for myself,
Always taking the blame for everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always hurt by you,
Always hurt by her,
Always hurt by him,
Always hurt by them.
I’m the invisible one,
So in love with you,
So in love with her,
So in love with him,
So in love with them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always hurt by me,
Always hut by everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always in love with me,
Always in love with everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Taking the fall for you,
Taking the fall for her,
Taking the fall for him,
Taking the fall for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for you,
Never seen by you.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for her,
Never seen by her.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for him,
Never seen by him.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for them,
Never seen by them.
I’m the invisible one,
The one you noticed,
So did she,
So did he,
So did they.
I’m the invisible one,
The one with blisters on my feet,
The one who walked in your shoes,
The one who was there,
The one who fell,
The one who stood your ground,
I’m the invisible one.
I’m the invisible one,
The one you pretend to notice,
The one you pretend to care for,
The one you hurt.
The one you say you love.
I’m the invisible one,
The one I pretended to notice,
The one everyone pretended to notice.
I’m the invisible one,
The one I said I love,
The one everyone said they love.
I’m still the invisible one.
07.04.2009
Replica
[/random bitch whines]
P.S.: Yep, I'm fully aware it sucks.
Walking in your shoes,
Walking in her shoes,
Walking in his shoes,
Walking in their shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
With blisters from your shoes,
With blisters from her shoes,
With blisters from his shoes,
With blisters from their shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
Walking in my own shoes,
Walking in everyone’s shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
With blisters from my own shoes,
With blisters from everyone’s shoes.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for you,
Always there for her,
Always there for him,
Always there for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always taking blame for you,
Always taking blame for her,
Always taking blame for him,
Always taking blame for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for myself,
Always there for everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always taking the blame for myself,
Always taking the blame for everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always hurt by you,
Always hurt by her,
Always hurt by him,
Always hurt by them.
I’m the invisible one,
So in love with you,
So in love with her,
So in love with him,
So in love with them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always hurt by me,
Always hut by everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Always in love with me,
Always in love with everyone.
I’m the invisible one,
Taking the fall for you,
Taking the fall for her,
Taking the fall for him,
Taking the fall for them.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for you,
Never seen by you.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for her,
Never seen by her.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for him,
Never seen by him.
I’m the invisible one,
Always there for them,
Never seen by them.
I’m the invisible one,
The one you noticed,
So did she,
So did he,
So did they.
I’m the invisible one,
The one with blisters on my feet,
The one who walked in your shoes,
The one who was there,
The one who fell,
The one who stood your ground,
I’m the invisible one.
I’m the invisible one,
The one you pretend to notice,
The one you pretend to care for,
The one you hurt.
The one you say you love.
I’m the invisible one,
The one I pretended to notice,
The one everyone pretended to notice.
I’m the invisible one,
The one I said I love,
The one everyone said they love.
I’m still the invisible one.
07.04.2009
Replica
[/random bitch whines]
P.S.: Yep, I'm fully aware it sucks.
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