Addicted to Pain?

I've been thinking, why do we always do the same mistakes again and again?
It's not because we're stupid, is it?
We were intelligent enough to go around those mistakes, to avoid them for some time and then at some point, I guess from lack of... adrenaline (?) we just trip and fall for the same thing we promised ourselves we would never again.
So what, are we addicted to pain?
Are we torturing ourselves?
Every time I think about this I remember Venus in Furs. Though it seems really shallow, I think there isn't a book that describes the human mind any better than that book does it.
We are addicted to pain.
Why else would we fall for the same over and over again?
Nothing really changes, just the faces. The empty promises, the words - they are always the same.
It's like in a play, or a remake of a movie - the actors are new, but the lines are always the same. Always cheesy. Always seeming very meaningful. Always being honest.
But shallow, meaningless and lies.
I recall Bekki telling me she does tattoos because pain made her feel alive. Well, I guess we all have out own ways of getting that pain in our system, one way or another.
And as much as I would like it to be over once for all, as much as I'd like for once to not spend a single night more crying myself to sleep, I guess this is my way of getting my dose of pain.
It really is the drug of modern society.
Because that's all there's left.
Just pain... and empty words.

09.09.2009
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